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10月31日 WuxiLife MiscarriageI was excited to see the newest WuxiLife arrive at Hy-Lite, unfortunately, my article got butchered and is missing a fairly sizable portion that affects its coherence.
Here's the article in full, missing part highlighted:
Master of the Wire: The Work of Yuen Wo Ping Film critic Roger Ebert once equated Jackie Chan with Fred Astaire, comparing the two for their physical prowess and use of humor. So it could be said martial arts films are a lot like musicals - are they not just big dance routines with kicks and punches instead of pirouettes? With that in mind, the beauty of a good brawl has never been so well captured on film as by Chinese action choreographer Yuen Wo Ping. With a vivid imagination and a complete disregard for the laws of physics, he is responsible for the jaw-dropping action in films such as Legend of the Drunken Master to The Matrix. Here’s a look at some of his defining films. In Dance of the Drunk Mantis (1979), the two feuding masters of the Drunken Boxing Style face off with a drinking competition. This fighting style is meant to resemble a drunk’s movements and capitalizes on unpredictability for its effectiveness. Here, cups of baijiu become the elixir needed to gain an edge; the drunker you are, the stronger you are. Although a real style, it is never used outside of ‘flowery’ kung-fu exhibitions. But in Yuen’s world, an intricate array of jabs and elbow locks escalate into a violent game of chess where the table is the board and the cups are the pawns. It all ends with one of the alcoholic masters using a candle and a mouthful of ricewine to spit fire in a desperate attempt to fend off his superior opponent. Remember that next time you need a way out of a ganbei game. Working with Sammo Hung in The Magnificent Butcher (1979), the film tells the adventures of Porky Wing, a portly butcher being harassed by thieves. Yuen showcases some enchanting Shaolin Animal Styles which are meant to resemble the movements of particular animals like snakes, leopards, tigers and cranes. For one scene, Sammo and Yuen thought up of the “Chicken and Duck Fist Style” so if you’ve ever wanted to see something as surreal as a man fighting like a pecking chicken, this is your movie. By the early 90’s, the Hong Kong film industry had moved on to police thrillers. Director Tsui Hark, Jet Li and Yuen Wo Ping helped the dying kung-fu genre bow out with Once Upon A Time in China (1991). In what would be a run-up for the current spate of period epics, the film told the story of Wong Fei Hong, a real-life doctor and martial arts teacher. This character has been the subject of over 80 films but it was the first time he was portrayed as a superhuman being. It contains an extraordinarily elaborate fight scene famously referred to as the ‘ladder fight’. Words can do it little justice; Yuen planned this as a full three-dimensional set piece, making use of the spatial horizons as killers chase the hero up and down ladders, to the left and right, in and out of the picture. Though he was reluctant to participate in an American production, he was convinced by the Wachowski brothers to supply the action choreography for The Matrix (1999). The virtual nature of the world meant that character’s physical limits could be disregarded, which blended well with Yuen’s own style. The relentless action and inventive fight sequences are what kept most audience members in the seats after the pointless monologues of The Matrix Reloaded. A convention of the kung-fu genre also holds true for The Matrix: every character’s personality matches their fighting style – Morpheus is the teacher who fights with minimum extraneous movements compared to Neo’s showy style. More recently, films such as Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) and The Banquet (2006) have re-introduced the ‘flying swordsmen’ genre. Dating as far back as King Hu’s Touch of Zen (1969), where characters flew over treetops and lakes, this stylization is still common in Chinese film and TV, but new to western audiences. It is Yuen’s most esoteric take on action yet; these heroes are not literally flying but fighting a sort of mental game of chess. There is usually only one fatal (and very melodramatic) blow. The flying is just part of the fantasy. Yuen Wo Ping’s work can next be seen in The Forbidden Kingdom slated for release in 2008. I find myself wondering what the hell happened. french hissin'Happy Halloween
from the Tongue Zombie and APE-UNIT
10月30日 Colour Wolf SquadWe've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's get going.
First off, you may remember that I was supposed to go on a blind date on Sunday. Here's an excerpt from the last entry in my on-going internet memoirs (not blog), appropriately written in an old-timey font:
Life is good right now, and I've been set-up with a blind date on Sunday apparently.
I did go to a blind date, but what I'd call it was an ambush!
![]() A literal interpretation of the word 'ambush' featuring cowboys and a stagecoach.
Revolutionary General El Zimon and his wife set me up with some friend of hers and we were set to have dinner at Chuan Fu, a Hot Pot restaurant (I dislike hotpot, as it all tastes the fucking same). Dressed in sharp attire (t-shirt with a sports jacket for the classy Pharell, Kanye kinda style) with brand new kicks and fresh woodgrain cut, I entered the restaurant to be ambushed by a stony-faced broad already seated with a tag-along friend.
Now, lemme tell ya how NOT to behave at a blind date:
BRAAAAAAAAP-BRAAAAAAAAP-BRAAAAAAAAP
Let it be said that I can be as cruel as I can be kind. 10月27日 Hefty Haifa WehbeAndis, who I share this fishbowl of an office with, has a bottle of grape soda on his desk. I couldn't find Cheese-O's anywhere, but he might of eaten them already.
Life is good right now, and I've been set-up with a blind date on Sunday apparently. I will also have more Chinese lessons as the quest for Chinese literacy continues. If only I was literate in English too :( boohoo i dun spaek englick very gud
I have nothing of note to tell you today, except that it is Saturday, and Saturday (or Saturnday as this blog is brought to you by the carmaker Saturn) is MOVIE DAY. For the students I have selected the light-hearted romp of Shaun of the Dead, because Halloween is around the corner. Or Horrorween as it should be called. I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 last night, and although it's a gorgeous fucking film with the best production design I've ever seen in a fantasy film, it is a FUCKING COMPLICATED MESS OF A STORY THAT MADE ME LOSE ALL INTEREST IN WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON WHY IS THE KRAKEN DEAD AND WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CALIPSO FUCK I THOUGHT IT WAS THE NAME OF AN OCEAN LINER etc
This trilogy stupidity is now going to be labeled pulling a 'Linda Wachowski' after our favorite transgendered Sci-Fi filmmaker. Larry Wachowski became a woman after the Matrix trilogy, I suppose, because his own stupid writing and stupid Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions confused him to lopping his penis off. I sympathize, I felt like doing the same after the 6 million-th sentinel blew up in CGI over-kill.
To those who have accused me of late as being horny, lovelorn or even misty-eyed, I refute all the previous accusations by posting the following picture:
I present to you Haifa Wehbe, a Lebanese bombshell that my friend Mena just saw in concert:
![]() ![]() * passes out * 10月23日 kakaXinHua Bookstore's translation of 'College'. I mean, why bother proofreading the signs in a bookstore, right? Rides in ChongAn temple. Fishin' for Gold Fish A sunday market for precious sculpted rocks. scoopin' the crap out of the canal. *SCREWFACIN' ALERT* 'nuff said. new Nike shoes with the African colours Baby Milo hoodie that zips ALL the way up
Otter-ly HorribleI come bearing gifts of knowledge, wisdom and jag-off monkeys. No kidding, after an early sunday morning expedition to ChongAn Temple (not actually a temple, but a shopping mall), I saw (for 10rmb) a little zoo full of animals in fairly decrepit state. Here's a tale of sadness and sorrow.
Yes, that monkey was, errr, 'grooming' the other.
Sleepy headed Lion. Either that or he's dead.
Collared and caged like the inmates over at San Quentin.
Whatever the hell this thing is, it tried to eat a turd.
KOMODO! now playing on the Sci-Fi channel.
That's a live turtle buried under money. People throw coins on it because it's a superstition that brings good luck. Just plain awful.
Kissy fish.
Two parrot's reppin' that hot '97 mentality.
More pictures of the ChongAn Temple Zoo can be found in the XiHui Mountain & Zoo Photo Album.
10月19日 Feel like a Black RepublicanNas confirms his new album will be named after racial epithet
Even after all these years of the fairly liberal use of the 'softened' version of that racial epithet in pop-culture, the original word is still a negative cloud over those who use it. Even when listening to Hip-Hop, it comes as a shock to sometimes hear the word 'nigger' and not 'nigga', despite the small gap between the two. It's sparingly used because of the effect it has. You're likely to hear 'wop' or 'chink' used more often and with more humour than 'nigger'. It doesn't make it more acceptable in any case. Well, I understand Nas' stance here, and as a rapper (in fact, as one of the undisputed masters of the art), I know he'll carry this out according to his vision with authenticity and thought. If it were Eminem or a Puerto Rican rapper it wouldn't be the same and certainly not acceptable.
An argument I saw written on a right-wing blog once said it wasn't fair that black people could use the word (either version) freely while white people using it would be highly innapropriate. Well, you know what, it's that way for a reason. If Dave Chappelle wants to use throw the word in skits as freely as punctuation, it's his right. The word affects him in a personal way, and its his right to turn that word on its ear and use it for any kind of sarcastic, ironic effect he chooses (such as his skit, "The Black White Supremacist"). Nas is doing the same thing many black stand-up comics have been doing for years, it's just a different medium. Anyway, like I said, if anyone can get the desired effect out of this experiment (which is aimed to the Hip-Hop audience anyway), it's Nas.
Nasir Jones, aka Nas You can listen to his song "Black Republican", featuring Jay-Z, right here. It's a fine piece of work. 10月17日 Le 'Denzel'I realize that two of my previous entries on this site might seem to have an anti-feminine slant. Allow me to cast your fears away. I'm all about the ladies. As a matter fact, allow me to get my Denzel on.
To get one's denzel on is to do that thing with your eyebrow, as pictured above. It's a symbol that has significant sociological meanings. For example, when done in the presence of a woman, a denzel can mean:
"What's your name, beautiful?"
"Heaven must be missing an angel because you're sleeping on the bar drunk off your ass."
"My phone number is yours unless you're a freaky bitch."
"My phone number is yours unless you're a freaky bitch (but here it is anyway)"
"I forgot my wallet at home but you feel free to pick-up that check anytime, babycakes."
"I can't bring you over to my place because it's being sprayed for roaches."
"Any other night I'd take you out, but tonight's movie night!"
"Nice gams!"
I'm not much of a denzel myself, but I'm trying. mangemaqueueHuge new dinosaur species foundGuess god planted a new dinosaur bone deep into the ground to throw us off, huh? Here's a news story for watchers of "The View" despite the fact that its an article with lots of big words and no pictures.
10月16日 Stupid Fucking PeopleLook, I hate Whoopi Goldberg, but the combined mental 'might' of the cast of 'The View' infuses me with such hatred and rage that I want to pass out and wake up in a cave full of bears and be torn apart by them instead of having to watch their fucking idiocy and know that millions of housewives watch their fucking ignorant opinions and take it as fact.
10月13日 Bouillabassecouille ugh, another week done and finished. I'm poozled. Today's Movie Appreciation class is a throw up between my beloved 'The Blues Brothers' and Peter Seller's 'The Party'. I'm edging towards the Peter Sellers flick because I've got a feeling people won't 'get' the spontaneous musical outbursts in Blues Brothers, perhaps the only film to combine 'comedy-action-musical'. (does Team America's montages count as musical numbers?) 10月12日 Shengri kuai le Mama10月11日 Baby HueyT'was Pam's baby shower for my soon-to-be born niece Sofia...
Guess which one is Pamela!
My mommy.
Uncle Paulie and the Chinese cigarettes.
Takes teamwork to unwrap gifts.
Nice card
Wish I had hair like Paul
Congrats! Sorry I couldn't be there. 10月10日 Hot 97 Re-MixHOTSHIT
New sizzlin' video for ya'll...
A remix of all my greatest video hits into one mediocre, tepid mix.
It's Dandy!
MORE FISHHere's another boatload of pictures from the holidays.
General Zimon has begun the revolution.
Nestle Ice Cream ads using models with counterfeit t-shirts.
Abercrombie and TiTch, indeed.
What can I say, Dave would find this one funny.
Renovations on Zhongshan Road continue to make it look like the Chinese Space World.
Strange Weeds grow in my canal, dope fiends would be interested in smoking them for their high chemical content.
Apple and I went to XiHui and now the mountain is being covered in gaudy decorations for an upcoming flower festival. way to preserve nature, guys!
I'm fucking fat again.
A gingko biloba tree or whatever. the wind knocks the fruit down and old ladies go nuts trying to collect them.
nice scenery, like outta of an old movie.
I used the panorama feature and it worked!
Wuxi's Shaaa'liiiin, Xuuuuuuuu!
All of these pictures were taken with my new SONY ERICSSON phone, and I'm impressed by the capability of thing. Not as good as an actual camera, but good! There are more pictures added to the WUXI, XIHUI MOUNTAIN N' ZOO and WUXI WILDLIFE folders. 10月8日 Eagles Don't Fly in Flocks, But Mine Hold 16 ShotsFUCK! What a week it has been kids. I did no traveling (as was quite frankly expected) and broke up with my girlfriend. The holidays always puts undue stress on couples, but in this case, seperation killed the barely breathing beast. I'm mentioning it on this public forum because quite frankly I'm pumped by a good (ILLEGALLY OBTAINED) Kanye track off his new album, Graduation. The track is, as those of you in the know know, is 'Stronger'. God bless lil' tempermental Kanye. What doesn't kill you indeed makes you stronger as the refrain says, and I've been killed and killed quite a few relationships in my time (of which my folks know the details about none! hrum!) but this one wasn't moving in an upwards direction. Problems could be blamed on 'time'. Its broad enough a term to explain much and yet nothing at all.
But that's not saying Luis, oh sorry, Punchinello, Ponquenet, whatever you want to think I'm called, takes it lying down. Nope, Luis doesn't take it, he gives it! I've plowed through 4 seasons of The Sopranos this week alone, and got more action coming up. I took an intensive week's worth of Chinese classes, re-awakening that old dragon and even made my yearly tour-de-grace of XiHui mountain. I even attended a party held by, I kid you not, the Communist party leaders of Jiangsu province. Now, I'm as apolitical as they come, but I'll say this, the buffet was pretty good. I met a cute Korean girl there, but I didn't make any moves because I was too timid and didn't have any angle to work.
Also, Da Shan, the "Canadian who speaks better Chinese than most Chinese" visited our school before yesterday in a pretty underwhelming affair that stunk of throwing money into a pit of mislead advertising ideas.
I'm listening to Talib Kweli, but I have yet to hear his new album. I WANTS ITS!
Zhongshan Road renovations still underway. National flags are everywhere now. Remember, you're in Chinars!
New street crossings, including this guy who's trying to blend in.
i sniped a picture of a shirtless schlub playing ping-pang in our school. no class.
Daisy, our school receptionist, lookin' like she drunk
Chris, the McDonald's employee in the last picture update
Taihu Hotel lobby.
translates roughly as: "Commies rulz, lol!" Have I been blacklisted yet?
sheisty cats minglin' like they skeezin'
nice potted plants
more lobby-ist action
every dog has its day
gurls, gurls, gurls prep to meet DA SHAN aka BIG FUCKIN' MOUNTAIN
we're throwing a release party for Tony Yayo
permanently mentally tweenagers await Da Shan and some other schlub
they held signs for him to, like ppl used to do for Caeser in ancient Rome (!?!)
DA SHAN and his Toronto blue jays cap!
our girls follow him in
and in...
and ins...
pis ostie ca fini plus la...
a leggy entourage did make the whole thing easier to handle
Simon confused DaShan's arrival with the second coming of Christ and hung up a wreath to celebrate.
I wasn't drunk and didn't smell but everyone ran away from me
Dan beatbox the theme to Rocky, Eye of the Tiger by Survivor.
Evil Shan, the Bizarro DaShan. The second most famous guy I've ever met after that one time I saw Jacques Villeneuve in the Paramount Cinema in Montreal.
Sirus says "CAN YOU DIGGGG IT!!!!!!!!"
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