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11月29日 Blocks That Stay HotWhat up my lovelies, L-Sizzle here for your reading enjoyment. Somebody said I write loudly, so lemme draw an 11 on dial that goes from one to ten and rock this motha out!
Turns out the house of Wu-Tang Clan is in complete disharmony. It's sadly true, Hip-Hop's finest family has internal beefs to deal with. Raekwon, pudgiest member of the Wu (and one of the heaviest slangers in the game) is throwing verbal pies at the RZA aka Voltron's head. Raekwon disagrees with the direction of the album's sound and tone, saying that since the WU has been out of the game since 2001's album Iron Flag, the group needs to punch it up a notch with a powerful one-two combination of the trademark dirty Wu sound pioneered by the group and growling grimey subject matter. In an interview with Miss Info (good looking broad lol) Raekwon claims that the RZA is insisting on making the album more worldy and infusing it with guitar samples and the like. Rae, y'know, he ain't digging that. He even goes so far as to call the RZA a hip-hop hippie. It's a hilarious interview, really.
A tiny Raekwon and a tiny Miss Info discuss the beef. Check out the full sized video for a better look at the healthy Miss Info and Rae's pudding recepticle. Just kidding Rae, although I hope you ain't planning to run a train on poor Miss Info in that hotel. Nice lampshade. (Part 2 here)
It's tough to say who's right in this situation, because the RZA is a smart guy with indeed some wordly experience, and knows that Wu is still very hot and highly anticipated in European Hip-Hop circles. The RZA claims that this is blown out of proportion, and that Rae's claim that the a Shaolin VS Wu-Tang Clan album is pish-posh. Well, we'll see but it all sounds a little far-fetched.
Anyway, I've heard the much talked about new single off their 8 Diagrams album "As The Heart Gently Weeps" (Download here, stream here) and it is absolutely magnificent, and like much of the Wu Tang stuff, it grows on me the more I listen to it, that's a sign of depth right there. It's the anthesis of all the empty head-banging crunk I dislike so, and along the lines of smart soulful rap that I expect from the group. If Rae wants a big wallup punch to the listener's face, he's welcome to try on his own album, but when it comes to the Wu family, I'll trust the RZA on this. Both claim that the group is behind them, so as to Ghost, GZA, the Rebel INS, Masta Killa, U-God, Mr.Meth and so on, I can't say much. Trust the RZA, I think he's right on the money as far as the new sound goes and the WU's (now) more wordly fanbase.
11月28日 Sofia's first Intrawebs appearanceThere she is. She's so cute. Even looks like one of the aliens off the set of Encounters of the 3rd Kind! Just kidding of course.
You can call me Tio Filipe, but that means less X-Mas gifts to ya... hehe
Also, Bro; "Funner"? Looks like I should be teaching you English, LOL!
11月27日 Panjabi MC and the Jaguar KidsI heard office gossip the other day about my supposed love-life. Apparently I have a girlfriend and so on. What dawned on me is that A) nothing is sacred, of course. I don't mind it too much, as long as it doesn't get out of hand. B) their info is woefully outdated and wildly innacurate. Do I sound like someone who has a girlfriend? Give me a break. When I don't have one, I want one, and I have one I don't want one. You explain that to me.
I recently had a discussion with a friend related to the obsession some westerners have with asian women. The slang term is impolite, but I'll put here due to topic at hand: "Yellow Fever". So, for example, my mortal nemesises (?) the Anime Nerds and their ilk share a common obsession with Asian women as being docile subservient little dolls to fill out their Love Hina manga fantasies. Hollywood features never seem to go beyond that description either, or they present every asian as being capable of doing kung-fu or being mystical or zen-like and so on and so forth. I can safely say that having been in China, I can attest to strong-willed, fierce women here, who are just as bossy, lovely, uncontrollable, strange, contradictory, compassionate and undecipherable as women back home.
I've lost my thread. Where was I going with this post? I'm hungry. 11月26日 BOOM BOOMIs it just me, or are some Chinese women starting to have bigger behinds? Maybe the influx of fast food joints has finally been felt. I've got nothing against bigger behinds, as my Brazilian heritage encourages that kind of behaviour. Hence the post's title, Boom, Boom.
Here's the shakedown people, we're at the knife edge of a serious situation that requires your immediate attention.
Seriously, read this next line with the utmost caution and care.
Are you paying attention?
Good.
Here it is.
I watched Cape Fear last night, the Martin Scorcese version, and thought if it weren't for the opening credits, I would've sworn it was a Brian DePalma flick. That's all there is to it, really. Robert DeNiro is in the film (a scene-chewing performance) with a white-trash southern accent is interesting, but I can't help but thinking its weird as fuck. DeNiro will always be a New Yorker in my heart, I can't buy him as country-boy. But kudos none the less. The film uses constant camera tricks like people walking into the camera and sometimes it just seems a little awkward. But I thought Marty's idea of turning the footage to inverted black-and-white during the love scene to intensify the fear in the air was brilliant. So, a rough gem of a film with fun performances but in no way scary I guess because I can't buy Nick Nolte's character. He's also a great actor, but this role was miscast I believe. It needed someone much more meek to play the opposite of DeNiro's character. Nolte's a buff guy, physically imposing.
Thanks for reading that, really. I love you.
Well, not if you're a guy. We'll just be buddies if you're a dude. No offense, but I don't roll that way. I don't hold-up the gravy train, nahmean?
I bought a bunch of dirt cheap hip-hop CDs last night, including the Jurassic 5 EP. THey were in some back alley DVD shop in a bin, just a little paper sheet with a CD in it. It was interesting to find this thing, a veritable goldmine. I bought 50 RMB worth of discs for 5 rmb each. They even had a GZA album in there, go figure!
Okay, I gotta take a pee and I shouldn't be in office on my day-off. I have better things to do. This post is getting a little long.
Remember, "boom,boom!"  11月24日 Anime is for LosersWeekend Pagan Hijinks! Last night I saw the latest Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, after having bought it twice before. Those early copies were horrendously quality, so I finally got to see it in pristine DVD condition. It was a solid film, probably the second best after Alfonso Cuaron's Prisoner of Azkabandabawhatever. I was really struck by how grown up the kids are. It's actually quite neat to see these same actors throughout the same movies, and how they've grown into their roles too. That ginger haired kid finally got his voice mutated into something audible and he turned out a lot more handsome than his younger looks would've lead me to believe. Also, Harry kisses a Korean chick, so, I guess this film continues the fantasy that most nerds back home have of hooking up with an asian chick. Good luck to you nerds, most of you grimey neckbeards look nothing like Harry and your stupid obsession with anime ain't impressing anybody. Go take a fucking shower.  Fig.1 Ugly fucking fat nerd
 Fig.2 a pedo at the hunting grounds
Now I went through an anime phase, sure, but it wasn't long before I realized 90% of it was garbage. After I'd sifted through the better TV shows, read a few comics and seen a couple of movies, I realized that the world of film was far more rewarding with far less idiotic cliches and lazy drawings. For all you anime obsessed nerds that consider yourselves Japanophiles, asks yourselves how much of Japanese culture do you know about that isn't related to anime. I went through a longer video game phase, but I've since abandoned that as well since its too fucking expensive and promoted a very, very unhealthy social/physical life. If someone ever starts talking to you about anime, just tell them you're into French films and they'll be confused long enough for you to a make a runner. 11月23日 8 DIAGRAMS Inspectah Deck, GZA, Masta Killa, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Method Man, U-God and the RZA
in
8 DIAGRAMS
Whooooooooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeee! This is it. The New Album By The Wu-Tang Clan. And you know what, Wu-Tang Album covers were never particularly designer affairs (the "IRON FLAG" album was pretty nice though) but this one has that classic Wu-Tang cheezy look. I love it. Look at that line-up. It's an all-stars. That preview I heard on YouTube of the RZA giving out a new sample was hot as hell; he used some the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly in a way that no euro-trash techno Morricone dedicated remix album could ever achieve. here's the tracklist:
Long Live the Wu! The Album is out December 11th. Tio LuisNow that I'm an Uncle, I believe I should be refered to as "Tio Luis" which means Uncle in Portuguese. I've always liked the sound of that, as it sounds old-school. Like how one of our family members in Kitchener, Ontario was Tio Antonio. That name always had a cool sound to it.
The weather is beautiful outside today, and I really wish I could go out for a walk and enjoy it. Instead I will be here in my office, which at least gets some sunshine as the school as a huge glass front.
11月22日 The Ghost Is Back!
From Ground-Up Hip-Hop: Ghostface scores a role in upcoming Iron Man filmOne such move from studio to Hollywood that isn’t making me shake my head in disgust is Ghostface. Considering his charisma and unique style, as long as the dude can string a few words together on film without looking like he’s reading a cue card, I think he could be onto something. In a recent interview with MTV, Ghost has revealed he is moving into acting, starting appropriately with a role in the upcoming Iron Man film. “It was a good look for the kid because Robert Downey Jr. recognized me as soon as I seen him. He was like, ‘Yo, Tony!,’” Ghost tells MTV. “For him to recognize me, I was kinda surprised by that. I didn’t know he even knew about the kid. … We called each other Tony onscreen. I’m like, ‘Tony Stark, I got your jet, I didn’t mess it up.’ He was like, ‘I got the Bentley for you, I laced it up.’ I had two girls with me, I was like, ‘That’s you [pointing toward the girls].’ I sent two birds at him. It was a wrap for that scene. He’s a cool dude and funny. Big up to Robert Downey Jr.” Ghost also shot a scene for the upcoming biopic spoof Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, a comedy starring John C. Reiley. “We had a bugged-out scene in there, with me, Jewel, Lyle Lovett, and we did a track,” he explained to MTV. “It was crazy though. … I’mma start doing a lot of [acting] in the next year. My character on the screen is incredible. Acting is nothing for me, man. It’s all an act. Rap is cool, but acting, that’s my star. When you get me in front of a camera, it’s a whole different aura.” Iron Man is scheduled for a May 2008 release Picturing Ghost, Robert Downey Jr and Terrence Howard all in the IRON MAN film is going to be too hot. Ghostface Killah is one of the original members of the Wu-Tang Clan. So far, I've seen the RZA, the GZA, Method Man and Raekwon in movies. When will I see Inspectah Deck or Masta Killa? I wish they all played themselves in a movie about the Wu-Tang Clan itself. 11月21日 New Kanye West VideoKanye's video for "Good Morning" off the Graduation album has been leaked, I guess. Have a look:
Get The **** OutMore debate going on back home over immigration and the idea of 'reasonable accomodations':
So what were the reasonable accomodations for the Chinese and Black slaves that built your railroads? Fuck off. That "where are you from?" line really resonates with me, as someone born in Quebec, it was also always the second question that ever came my way. I never felt Canadian, much less Quebecer. I can speak Portuguese fluently and I share the culture as my parents are Brazilian and Portuguese but I will never really be either as well because I didn't grow up there, so what am I? I think this is the reason I can come to China and blow off most of the differences because in the end, I know I'll never fit in anywhere in the world. It's bittersweet; I can withstand cultural shock fairly easily I think, but I'll never be able to share that kind of pride of any country. It's very confusing and something that came to my full attention only when I left Canada. Travelling wouldn't give you that sense, but living in alien place for 1 year or more, these things start to dawn on you.
For a little bit of that feeling in cinematic form, I recommend the German film Ali: Fear Eats The Soul. It's an excellent film that touches on the topic of culture clashes, compounded by the fact that a younger Moroccan man shacks up with an older German woman. Both experience their pains in different ways, and I felt I could identify with some key moments in the film.
11月20日 Photos of SofiaThis is the story of how Marcos and Pamela found a little alien pod crashed behind their farm house in Tinyville, on the outskirts on Montrealopolis. Here are the pics of the tiny Superwoman here by named Sofia. What abnormal super-powers will she exbihit in the future??!exclamationmarks Pam recouping from the exposure to cosmic gamma rays
Sofia in her Kryptonian space capsule
And to think she used to look like a butternut.
That's Bubba Marcos, hereby known as Big Poppa. Much like Pa Kent, he will provide guidance and wisdom and not croak during the origin story.
Grandfather Antonio (secretly doubles as Robert DeNiro) and Great-Grandmother Custodia, a revolutionary-stylist with militant black beret.
Pam and her mom look on Sofia secretly hoping she won't choose Accounting as her career choice.
And strange companions from Krypton, no doubt they will animaate themselves only at night in a Walt Disney-like fashion only to the eyes of Sofia and provide all sorts of comedic diversions for all our viewers with ADD and gnat-like attention spans.
    and other smilies that might be appropriate for this occasion. Yays! I'm so happy for the entire family and promise to be there for her next birthday! Yays!Das BirfdayCongratulations to my brother Marcos and Pamela; their daughter Sofia was born today (November 19) 11:20am.
Sofia is my niece, and I her uncle. I promise to do everything in my power to be the best uncle I can even though I'm as far away as I am.
I just tried calling my brother at home but the line was busy. I tried calling my folks, but no one was home. :( 11月18日 Do your Juelz hang low? If so, tie 'em in a knot! Emergency Post on APE-UNIT2.0
of the Intarwebs Watchpost Defense System:
As one of the original inventors of the internet, I see it as my duty to provide my fleshy mortal readers with things to read about including (but not only about) my life. Normally I wouldn't bore you with such details but occasionally gossip fuels the fires of passion or so they say. I had dinner with some friends from JiangYan university (is that even spelled correctly?) They are the Guizhou trio I previously mentioned, I had met them in that misconceived beach party in early November. They were super kind by taking me out for a birthday dinner. The original plan was to eat at a restaurant that served food from their province, but that had shut in typical Wuxi fashion; quickly and without a trace. THe restaurant business seems fairly cut-throat here as well just like back home, which my Dad could probably tell you an earful about. I guess Wuxi folks don't have much interest in food that isn't sweet. We went to a Sichuan restaurant, but the spice-factor was quite low and could've been "knocked-up a notch" in true Futurama Elzar style. "BAM!"
The food was still quite good though, and we had some chocolate cake after. We then went to Blue and chatted for a while. I'd like to offer Scofield, Wenlies and Jack a big thanks for that.
You know I'm here on my day-off to write this? I had to use the bathroom as I was walking by the school and figured, oh, why not post something for the masses who await my blog posts much like sharks in captivity await chum. I bought a CD of some Reggaeton music and the music is so caliente I actually have, and I ain't kidding, a stomach ache. That's the power of Latin Music for ya.
I've been noticing in restaurants and shops a lot of guys with gals but with not much conversation between them. I often trick myself into believing that we extroverted foreigners (well, that's a hell of an exaggeration, I know, but by comparison I guess) could thing of a million clever things to say until I realize that its complete bullshit and that I can never think of anything clever to say either, so to all fellow Chinese flyboys, I'm in the same boat as you, no more clever, no more agile in the skill of conversation than you. Perhaps that artificial sense of conversational superiority that many of us foreigners in Wuxi have is something I can deflate in that upcoming article for Wuxi. The conversations I had with the Guizhou trio could attest to that.
God! There's this one Reggaeton track that uses samples motorcycles and guns cocking and a bunch of fevered Spanish rap on a crazy loop that one of the funniest and coolest things I've ever heard. Vroom,Vroom,Vroom.
This has been one hell of a post, because a lot of words have made their way to the screen but none of them really talk about anything important or interesting and I'm still sick with a slight cold, nothing major and this is one hell of a run-on sentence and its not getting any better because the period is only coming after this next word. 11月17日 Mr.Shark ShanksI didn't do anything for my birthday, but Simon and Nicole came by and brought me a cake. I ate about 1/3 of the thing since all the girls in the office seem to be watching their weight. Sigh. Let it be known for the record, I like girls with some healthy curves, so weight wouldn't hurt most of the girls here, who are rail-thin and share the widespread obsession that many girls back home also carry.
My next article idea for WuxiLife has been approved, and so I will be writing on article how the personal changes most seem to go through as they live here. I will, as previously stated, focus on such universal concepts as manners, love life and personal successes and failures. Am I the same person as when I first came? Certainly not, but the article will aim for a broad audience, will not be a pontification as to why I'm so super-duper, quite the opposite in fact, the less said about me, the better. It will be by no means a 'tabloid-ish' article where names are dropped (or mispelled). All source interviews and such would be anonymous and written in that really vague style I don't particularly like reading myself, but the last thing I want to do is write another awful Gonzo Journalism piece that permeates all college rags or internet movie reviews.
I'm eating a healthy breakfast which consists of coffee with sugar and cream, a McDonald's breakfast egg burger (with processed ham and cheese) and for dessert, a lil' peach pie. It's the beginning of a long arduous weekend for me, where I must provide a class demo to a potential customer (a big company). The pressure is on, so game on, man.
Here's another thing, I'd like to rant about this morning. Many people lately have been ELITE INTRAWEB EXPERTZ on the whole Writer's Guild Strike. Well, to this I say stop it. Stop talking about it like you know a damn thing. I sure as hell don't which is why I'll read legitimate movie news sources like CHUD.com. So if you're some gossip, blogger or online newspaper editor, stop talking about it like you know a goddamn thing about it. It's bad enough we'll have a glut of crap films flying at us is in the next year. 11月15日 I be Bobby BouldersI read in the news today that Jay-Z has officially passed Elvis in terms of number 1 albums. That's kind of sweet justice, isn't it? Elvis bought some of his first songs off black artists and now a black artist has surpassed him in number 1 albums... well, it doesn't mean much, Elvis is dead and still makes more money than rap moguls Jay-Z and Diddy put together. But, time will tell.
11月14日 Boogaloo, ElectricWhat did I do for my birthday last year? Nothing, but here's proof, from the old APE-UNIT site:
So there you have it. Not much has changed a year later, except that Andis no longer dresses like a French naval officer. 11月13日 A Masterpiece of WritingMethod Man: Yo what I'm sayin, come on man?
Raekwon: Yo Meth, hold up, hold up. Yo Meth, where my Killah tape at ya? First of all, where my-- Where the fuck is my tape at? Method Man: Yo son I ain't got that piece son.
Raekwon: How you ain't go my shit, when I let you hold it man. Method Man: Yo niggas came over to have 40 and blunts kid. The shit just came on motion man. Raekwon: Come on man, that don't got nothin to do with my shit man. Come on, go head with that shit. Method Man: Come on man, I'll buy you 4 more fuckin Killah tapes man.
*knock knock* Raekwon: Open the door man, what the fuck, man, yo what. What's up? Ghostface Killah: Yo yo, God, word is bond, yo, Shymeek just go bust in his head. Two times God [word to mother]Real life God, you know Shymeek from fuckin 212 [yeah yeah yea]The nigga just got busted, niggas in the Black Land, god, Word is bond, came thru God from out of nowhere, God. Word is bond, I'm comin to get my coat to Cypher, god. And it just--, word is bond, crazy shots just went the fuck off. The nigga layin there like a fuckin new born fuckin baby, God. Method Man: Is he dead? [word up] Ghostface Killah: Is he fuckin dead, what the fuck you mean is he fuckin dead. What kind of question is that B, what the fuck you think?The nigga layin there with this fuckin all types of fuckinblood comin out of his head. U-God: Easy, easy, easy, easy, kid. Ghostface Killah: Yo God, whats up God, it's the God, god, word is bond. I'm waitin to fuckin late, i'm ready to get busy. Raekwon: Let's go do- let's go do what we gotta do right fuck it. U-God: What's up yo, yo we out or what? Ghostface Killah: It's the god hour, fuck that, We out, got a problem man. What the fuck. U-God: Nigga still sweatin'.
Ghostface Killah: What the fuck is you talkin about man, get the fuck outtahere. Good Evening and Good MorningIn two days, it shall be my birthday. Let me describe what will happen then:
At 12:00am, Montreal time (12:00pm Wuxi time) the seas shall part, Godzilla will have a bowel movement and a butterfly (not Mothra) shall flutter its wings. At that point I will be 24 years of age, legal anywhere in the world. On that day, I shall have a cake. Possibly. Notice the italics on the word 'possibly', I've used it there to insinuate that its most likely going to occur, that I eat cake, and possibly even ingest it. God, it sounds so dirty! Bad Luis! Let us not forget that I am indeed a portly fellow, and portly boys like me love cake. Fiddy said so, so it must be true.
Speaking of Fiddy, I saw a picture of him posing in a tux with Fergie the Dutchess of Wherever. That was pretty classy for a hood nigga that sang 'Candy Shop'. Braap, braap, etc.
I finished my next two movie reviews for WuxiLife, but for the next issue, should I be asked back, I plan to write a 'How Wuxi Has Changed Me for Better or Worse' article. I would not talk about myself specifically, but instead try to talk to different people of differing age, ethnic background, countries, jobs, etc about how living here has molded them into upright humanoids or lowly C.H.U.Ds.
I've seen a couple of movies over the past week including Jerry Seinfeld's BEE MOVIE, Spike Lee's INSIDE MAN and two Takashi Miike movies including BOILING POINT and SONATINE. I'll post my thoughts on all of these movies in machine gun ratt-a-tatt fashion:
Bee Movie: Good for the most part, lightning fast pace, cute jokes and design, i especially like the subtle race division between the insects, Bees=Jews, Mosquitos=Black folk, Wasps=White ppl, etc. Haha, or not, depends on your sense of humour I guess.
INSIDE MAN: Get ur DENZEL ON! with Denzel Washington and Chiwetel Ejiofor in very cool NYC detective roles, Clive Owen in 'it is misteri' mode with Jodie Foster playing a total cunt. Sorry, Jodie isn't that awful word, but her character is, and that's why she's every bit the actress Julia "Horsemouth" Roberts wishes she was. Spike Lee kicks it a mile high, his best movie since The 25th Hour.
oh yeah, also forgot:
SHOOT 'EM UP: Saw this too, a film that's plain tits-crazy - CLive Owen, Monica Bellucci (OH,OH,OH!!@!!!!) and Paul (cunt) Giamatti. A crazy film that a younger John Woo would've made if he discovered speed, coke and LSD.
Both Takashi Miike movies: fucking great. Some of the best films I've ever seen, especially Boiling Point. I can't describe them, but as far as modern Japanese cinema goes, it rests in the hands of this director who also made the new ZATOICHI (blind masseuse ronin) which I remember seeing with Daddy-O Antoni-O.
Also, interestingly, I met a chinese girl on MSN that speaks a little french. It was quite funny to say the least.
Ciao me amores! My Children of the Corn!
11月9日 Truck TurnerNew photos of when Wade, a Canadian, came to Wuxi and I showed him around XiHui Park, a place I know quite well by this point.
I feel much better than yesterday, thank you. I made some soup, a few veggies thrown in a pot and thoroughly boiled with some chicken bouillon.
11月8日 SiCKOOh god. I'm fucking sick again. I threw up like 3 times last night, and the fucking knuckleheads above were doing construction work until about midnight or so. Next time I'll call the fucking cops.
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