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日志


4月30日

Protect Ya Neck (The Jump-Off)

Happy May Holiday
 
See ya in a week.
 
... n' PROTECT YA NECK!
 
4月29日

Liquid Squats: Bowel Fury

I got home yesterday after eating at the Cantonese restaurant on the corner of Chongning Lu and Xinsheng Lu (near Blue) and just crashed. I went to sleep at around 8 o'clock pm and woke up at 8:30 am. I punched my ticket so to speak. By the time morning rolled around I was on some Liquid Fury and had to pass by the NEB-STAR pharmacy. I picked up a pack of the life-saving SMECTA (Keeps your ass Tight-a!)
 
It's raining again today, as it will be tomorrow as well because it always rains on my day off. 6 o'clock will mark the beginning of the MAY HOLIDAY.
 
What's everyone up to, you ask? Some will be travelling back to their hometown, others will be staying in Wuxi. My plan is to buy a bicycle and ride around town, chain-whipping bikers and tearing up gravel as the newest member of the THE BICYCLE AVENGERS group of super-powered mutant bikers. I had a glittery leather-and-latex jumpsuit commissioned at the tailor's and vow to plant the seed of vengeance in the hearts of fearful criminals everywhere. Or not and pretend that I did. Or pretend that I didn't whilst secretly wishing that did. OR pretending that I did when I actually didn't but still did because I wished I hadn't when I did.
4月28日

BROWNHOLE COWBOYS

nothing in the world can prepare you for this next video. nothing
 
 
 

Hello Kitty XXX

You're sick. This is the cure.
 
Stuntin'!
 
Spotted just outside school yesterday, though I've noticed it before. I've also noticed a blue version of this one with the same decals more or less on Jian Kang Lu or whatever the fashion street is called. Took the picture with Andis' camera.
4月27日

Gortex Beef and Broccoli

Sweet Jesus, I've been linked on WUXILIFE.COM!
Now that I've been sort of officially inducted into the Wuxi Hall-of-Shame/Fame, I plan to update this site with relevant content and hard-hitting journalism.
 
That said, I was listening to 50 Cent's "I'll Whip Ya Head Boy" and found this gem of a verse by M.O.P:
 
Gortex Beef and Broccolis? After I laughed for about 10 minutes, I remembered Beef and Broccoli is also slang for a gun. But gortex? Wasn't that the synthetic material used in George Costanza's coat in an episode of Seinfeld? Why use the name of a typical dish at most western Chinese restaurants? I desperately tried to find out why, but the origins of this particular piece of slang are lost to time and a scattershot of gunfire (probably). Guns are also called burners, gatts, berettas, heaters and so on. Hip-Hop is fascinating because of this: I can listen to a good song a hundred times and always hear something new or understand a particular metaphor under a different context.
 
Yesterday included no updates because I just didn't have the inspiration to write anything down. I find myself bored recently, having exhausted my patience for sitting at home and watching movies. I did that all winter, now its summer... I need something fresh. I need a change of pace. My dad says I should get a girlfriend, but lord knows thats difficult given the lack of a social life at the moment. Since I stopped going to the Blue Bar on a regular basis, my social meter has dropped low. On the other hand, I save plenty of money to get things like a camera, and hopefully a sofa one day.
 
Any ideas for fun things to do in Wuxi, please dial 1-800-I'M F@#$%& BORED. Thanks.
4月25日

Rainy Daze

Hear ye, Hear ye. New APE-UNIT video up on Youtube.com. This one is titled "Rainy Daze". It is one of my more, uh, artistic moments. On April 17th, after having bought the camera, I went out and took pictures with it. Then, after grasping the capabilities of the little machine, I decided to push it further. So, here's the second video assembled thanks to the lil' Cam that could. The locations on video include my apartment complex WuAi JiaYuan, JianKang road, some back alleys, Chong An temple/shopping mall and ending in Baoli. I was on my way to do some groceries, so I figured why not snap some moments. Unfortunately, I shot all this footage on lower resolution, so most of the time, the raindrops hitting the surfaces don't get picked up by the camera. I've experimented more since then, and I've found better modes to shoot in. So consider this test-footage.
 
I also took some time-lapse footage of the square just outside my apartment where people dance and drive cars around, and sped it up x6. The results were very interesting, and perhaps I'll put up that video next. It's part of the video that I'm shooting for a night tour of Wuxi. So far, I don't have much useful footage, but by next week I should have something to build on. I can only shoot about an hour's worth of footage at standard quality, and half of that at higher resolution.
 
Anyway, here's Rainy Daze.
 
 
4月22日

Chun-Li XXX video

You pervert. You really thought I'd put up some Street Fighter porno on here? Naive, naive.
No, I've got something better! Here are some Capcom VS SNK 2 tournament and combo videos for you to enjoy. This is probably my favourite game, and I used to spend a lot of time playing it. When I returned to Canada, I had the chance to bring back a Dreamcast with this game (either Japanese or English versions + the immaculate Street Fighter 3). I opted against it, considering all the space it would occupy in my luggage, but now I regret it immensely. Ohh, how I dream of playing this game again, and getting upset and throwing the controller at the wall in a fit. Beautiful game.
 
A 30 minute tournament video of some intermediate-to-upper levels of skill on display here. An interesting line-up of characters, including a pretty fierce Kyosuke player.
 
Now this here is le-coup-de-grace. A ten minute combo video featuring some classic A-Groove combos.
 
Here's a treat: the original CVS game and its combos. Interesting for a look at mountain the progress between 1 and 2.
 
Here's the full run-down of all characters.
 
We'll finish off with this one, because its so weird to see a fighting video game like this such a grandiose display in front of an audience. Take a look...
 
 
 

The Day the World Turned Neon-Blue

A quick word on Tarantino's Death Proof. Although he captured the look and feel of a 70's feature, I felt indifferent to it. The dialogue, his usual trademark, was a touch repetitive and circular this time around. The girls in both halves of Death Proof talked about pretty much the same stuff: relationships, pop culture and so on. Hearing it once, fair enough, but twice, my patience stretched. I don't think it particularly revealed anything I needed to know in a movie that ultimately ends up with a car chase. To boot, the 2nd cast of characters is simply uninteresting compared to the first batch. It landed a flat. The car chase itself was fantastic, but by that point I was just eager for something, anything to happen. Sadly, this ranks as QT's weakest effort to date in my own opinion. It felt like mediocre TV. And it hurts me to say it because I'm not the pickiest of guys when it comes to appreciating the works of Geniuses like RR and QT and so on. I look forward to whatever comes next from QT nonetheless. I just hope it doesn't take another 7 years.
 
Tomorrow is my day off, so I hope to get some photography done, should the weather hold up. I want to make a nightlife tableau of Wuxi in video. I've got an idea of sitting by Zhongshan road and catching a full-length video of traffic going by so I can then crank up the speed to get a time-lapse effect. The problem will be finding a spot where I can lay the camera still and undisturbed. This will be a major project for me, as I plan to record at higher-quality and render a full-length video at around 20 minutes. I'm going to need an enormous amount of coverage for this. I also wish to include some foot traffic; I think a POV (point-of-view) perspective would be neat, going through the busiest areas, but the problem is that people are distracted by the camera and it changes how they behave. Ideally, I'd like to have one of those bazooka-sized telephoto lenses so I can snipe pictures of people going about unaware, but I'll make due with what I have. This should be my crowning achievement in video editing. I'm going to need all the disk space I can get
 
Video Editing is a craft or precision and trial-and-error. Its about finding the right cues, the right moments and capturing them. When you lay on a piece of music, it gets trickier. Then its all about synching visual moments to the music. I don't want it to look goofy, at least, not this time out. I want to go for something that'd capture the grimey textures, the dripping humidity, the neon reflections. The hardest will be capturing the people, because A) it can make people hostile B) put a camera in front of someone and they become self-conscious C) they look into the lens D) they pose. Its going to be tough, but worst comes to worst, I'll use the upcoming May holiday  (May 1st to 7th) to make this all happen. This will also mark my one-year anniversary here in Wuxi. This video will be tribute to just that, and hopefully to another year or two...
 
speaking of grimey, humid textures...
4月21日

The Cantonese Wack-Wok-and-Woll

Okay, here's the late update for today. It's the end of the work day and I'm starving like Marvin but I'm also sleepy as hell. I'm thinking of hitting up the Cantonese restaurant for a quick meal, but every time I go in there I have to essentially take a wild guess with the menu. I hold it up, and just point at anything there. I never know what I'll get, so it's the Russian Roulette of food. I wouldn't mind eating a pizza or something, but I'm so tired, I'm actually worried I won't be able to chew my food and get through the meal without falling into the dish face-first.
 
I'm not in a great mood today. I don't know why, but I gave all my energy in classes today and I've got none left for myself. I sometimes worry about my stamina holding out. Yesterday was my long day from 10am to 9pm, so by the last class of the day I ran out of steam. It happens, but I still feel bad about not giving the students my all. At this point, I'm just going to retire to a restaurant and then go home and work on the 2nd half of Grindhouse. The first half, I should report, was probably Robert Rodriguez's most fun film yet. It was literally a balls-to-wall piece of cinematic cinergy. I loved every second of it, including the brilliant "missing reel" gag. And its filled to the brim with great casting: Michael Biehn (The Terminator, T2), Greg Nicotero ('Sex Machine' in From Dusk 'til Dawn), Freddy Rodriguez (Harsh Times). In the Rob Zombie fake-trailer, Werewolf Women of the SS, Nicolas Cage makes a cameo. Big name for a quick cameo like that. I look forward to Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof" tonight.
 
Okay, I'm absolutely exhausted. Remember: the dumb are mostly intrigued by the drum.
 
DIPSET!

My aunt Lourdes Gomes

Check it, my aunt Lourdes painted a picture of Andis' wife Jenny from one the wedding pictures on his website.
 
Congratulations Lourdes on finishing it! Looks good!
4月20日

Tarantino Rodriguez All-Star Circus

 
Grindhouse DVD out in Wuxi now.
GO GET 'EM!

Zhang Ziyi is not mentioned in this article

The Baby-Mama-Drama continues on this week's episode of the Chinese Epic Disaster Movie - The Battle at Red Cliff!
 
"If I was the IMDB guy involved in updating the casting page for John Woo's upcoming epic Chinese film The Battle of Red Cliff, I'd probably just wipe the page out and replace it with a giant neon question mark right out of Batman Forever. The tumult on this project continues to build and build as people are gone one day only to reappear later as if nothing happened. Earlier this week, we reported that Chow Yun-Fat up and left the production high and dry for somewhat shaky reasons. At the time, he was following Tony Leung's lead, who departed the flick in March due to the film schedule being set for far too long. Leung apparently didn’t cotton to Chow biting his steez and decided to one-up him by coming back to the production.
 
Tony Leung

What's even more interesting is that he could possibly be coming back to replace Chow Yun-Fat as the film's lead, because the role he vacated in March was filled by House of Flying Daggers star Takeshi Kaneshiro. Maybe Kaneshiro will be bumped for another part, and the game of Musical Acting Roles will continue? At this point, only Terence Chang and John Woo know the full story behind the on-set craziness that has plagued this movie. I'm more interested in that tale than I am of the one of the actual film, which is that of a big historical battle in China's Three Kingdoms Period. Hopefully, we'll get all of that juicy secondary story someday. In the meantime, the production continues unabated."

 

What can I say, but I agree whole-heartedly. The behind-the-scenes story of this film is going to be infinetely more interesting than the windy posturing and overly-melodramatic end-product. What convinced his return? A bigger paycheck or the need to compete with Chow's dramatic exit by returning to the project? Who knows!

4月19日

CoolPix S200

Here she is.... Miss Ameriiiiica!
 
Nikon CoolPix S200
 
Look at that thing. Ain't she a beauty? We're not talking about some fugasi here, this is the real deal. For reference of scale, my thumb probably cover's a fifth of the thing. It's that small. I wanted a camera without a telescopic zoom lens at first, but the lens makes for wider shots and better zoom capabilities. I got a 1G memory card with it. Its a sexy thing.
 
The Nikon shop. Hy-Lite tutor Helen helped with translating my requirements.
Helen eating fish-soup, and a tasty soup it was.
Rain on my day-off. The tradition continues!
 
Also, there's a new video of my messy apartment:
  
4月18日

Chow Yun Fat Diet

from Devin Faraci at the movie site CHUD.com :
 
"Fans who were excited about the return of the legendary John Woo/Chow Yun Fat team can go ahead and get unexcited: three days into shooting the expensive historical epic Red Cliff, Chow’s out.

At 70 million dollars, Red Cliff is most expensive Chinese film ever, with the script clocking in at four hours (Asian markets will see the film in two parts. American audiences will get one three hour version). There’s all sorts of reasons swirling for the sudden departure of the film’s star – producer Terence Chang said that the bond company couldn’t approve Chow’s agreement, and that he made ‘unreasonable demands’ that went above and beyond the usual. Chow has said that he only just received the full script recently, and that he was unsure he could actually do the job properly because of that. He had also mentioned that he felt he was doing the movie at a discount, since it was being released in two halves and he was just getting paid for one job.

Chow’s not the first quitter, although he’s obviously the most catastrophic. Tony Leung Chiu-wai, star of Infernal Affairs, dropped out a couple of weeks ago because he just couldn’t commit to a full six month shoot. In the Chinese industry movie stars will make five movies in six months, with time to record two albums stuffed in there.

Woo is pressing on with the film, rearranging the schedule to shoot around the fact that he has no leading man, but can the picture survive this blow? And is this the end of the Chow/Woo friendship?
"
 
Boy oh boy. What a crying shame. Another overblown pork-filled Epic Kung-Fu Fantasy picture gets into trouble. Look, I love John Woo. Let's make that the John Woo who made The Killer, Hard-Boiled and For A Better Tomorrow (my fav of the 3). For the rest of the films he's made, they're largely garbage with some cherry-picked moments of brilliance. But as far as my love for him goes, its limited to those films. I still haven't seen Bullet in the Head though.
 
Chow Yun-Fat in John Woo's For A Better Tomorrow 2
 
Chow Yun Fat is one the most charismatic actors working today. He can melt ice with his glare and make even men blush with his good looks. I have the feeling that Chow knows he's making a "Pork" film (a big-budget waste of time, theatre tent-pole production, blockbuster or whatever term you use). He wants the money that goes along with it. He most likely broke his contract with this film because he'd rather be out there making films he enjoys, as opposed to just signing on checks. Who knows. We'll be seeing him this summer in another porker, Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Although, that's my kind of pork. Johnny Depp + Chow Yun Fat? Who'd have seen that coming. First Marky Mark (Whalberg) then the Deppster. Moving up ol' chum.
4月15日

Jonny Quest was Racist

Sorry for no updates yesterday, I was busy preparing classes, including my weekly movie class. This week was horror on the genre roster, so I went through my collection of DVDs looking for the most inoffensive horror flick I could find (Scary Movie although a comedy, contains way too many vulgar and sexually oriented jokes for class). I settled on "Return of the Living Dead" a parody of horror movies and a comedy in disguise. Horror is something most people here can't handle. I'm very careful about what I show; I try to choose movies that are interesting and yet informative, and for this particular genre, I can't pick a movie with gore or nudity. Which makes horror picks nigh impossible. In the first twenty minutes of "Return..." all the basic vocabulary and imagery is introduced related to the genre: corpse, morgue, spooky, etc. So it was actually a good pick. Despite this, the movie had moments just too scary for the students even though it was presented with goofy humour and slapstick. One particular shot, just before the opening credits has an employee slapping a canister containing a Zombie while proclaiming: "Safe? This was built by the US Army Corps of Engineers!" as the canister breaks and toxic gas leaks out.
Spooky!
 
Before class, I carefully screen the movie to choose the best excerpts to show. This movie featured some inappropriate content, including a death-obsessed punk girl dancing nude in a graveyard to Rock n' Roll, so I was careful to skip over those parts with the Next Chapter button on the DVD. Ideally, I would be able to grab the scenes from the DVDs and show them on a DVD disc with chapters seperated by movies. That would be the best bet, but I don't know if I have the tech-knowledge to that. Either way, next week's movie is going to be a western. I'm thinking about showing Tombstone. I would like to show one of the classic Italian Spaghetti Westerns, but because those movies were originally filmed without sound and later dubbed in a studio by different actors, I think they'd be unsuitable as examples.
 
For the past two weeks I've been passing by a shop on my way to work that has a little white dog that looks exactly like the mutt from Johnny Quest. I really wish I could get a dog, but I have no time to take care of one. Maybe a bunny wabbit? Who knows. I always see that white dog following around its owner, a middle-aged lady and it pounces around on all sorts of garbage on the street and does all kinds of little adorable dog-like things.
 
Racial profiling on the Johnny Quest show: playing on white peoples' fear of brown people near airplane consoles.
 
Tomorrow is my weekend, so no updates. Next week I promise to put up a another People Review, as well show off my sure-to-have-been-bought-by-then camera.
 
Peace out for now pigglets. Wu!
4月13日

Stuntin'

My brother shot me with some baby names: Maxime, Christopher, David, Mathew. I suggested some Portuguese names that sound sharp as knives: Inigo, Benicio, Mauricio, Duarte, Humberto. Personally, should I ever have a boy, I will call him Bruce. Although, Inigo and Benicio are very good. What do you guys think? I'll definetely consider choosing a Portuguese or even Spanish name first. CokeHead says he'll call his son Im Ho Tep.
 
Everyone in the office here just felt a small tremor. Does Wuxi get earthquakes? I was shaking my leg anyway, so I hardly felt it. Everyone just looked over at me and I thought I had just farted accidently or something, but I guess it was because I was the only one who didn't notice it. What was the intensity of that quake? Maybe we'll hear about it on the evening's news. Although... I can't follow the evening news. Students, keep me updated!
 
I plan to buy a camera this coming week. I want to buy the same model Nikon that I had, a CoolPix S6 or whatever it was. It was a great little gizmo. I want to take more pictures of Wuxi and shoot a Tour Video of Wuxi. I need to rival Andis' YouTube hits! Competition can only increase the quality of our output, although I must admit he's got such good Day-To-Day Wuxi coverage that I can't compete on that end. If anything, I can compete in the area of up-to-date Slang, Interwebs Humour and Movie updates. Other than that, this website is on the losing end of describing what people had for lunch.
 
Nikon CoolPix S6
 
That's one sexy camera. The Macro zoom on this tiny camera was impressive, and the simple controls made it a pleasure to use. The battery is a card, so it charges by docking to a USB port. It keeps the camera lightweight. The large screen also gives you a better impression of how shitty your shots came out.
 
Katie, one of the employees here seems convinced I have a girlfriend. I told her that in fact I do not have one, but its difficult to convince gossipers otherwise. I'm free at the moment, as it seems I'll be free and unattached for quite some time. Who knows, summer is around the corner, maybe I'll finally be lucky enough to meet someone I can get along with. I have bad luck when it comes to women.
 
 
 
4月12日

Mongolian Werewolves on Chrome Wheels

Kurt Vonnegut passed away today at the age of 84.

He was the writer of Breakfast of Champions and Slaughter House Five among others. One of my three favourite writers, two of which are now dead, and the living one just declared himself homosexual a few weeks back. His most famous character was Kilgore Trout, a science fiction writer that was his alter-ego, a shut-in who wrote about extra-terrestrial tales that were thinly veiled social commentary. His prose was delightful: it was simple, clear and whimsical. It was always written with kindness and innocence. He was afraid of not being understood, so it was as clear as possible. Breakfast of Champions almost ressembled a child's book, with the simplest explanations of all things. If there was a car in the scene, he would describe what a car was without making it sound like he was describing a car through mechanics jargon. It would sound like an Alien from another planet simply describing the curious contraption.

Hunter S. Thompson

My other favourite writer is of course, Hunter S. Thompson. He's the flipside to gentleness of Vonnegut. Hunter was a humanist hiding behind his fisherman's hat and orange aviator shades and a mask of savagery. He was a journalist first and foremost, but a brillian novelist who never quite made the transition. His only 2 novels are Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and The Rum Diary. Fear and Loathing is the story of how he was sent to track the MINT 500, a race out in the middle of the Nevada desert. The story never spends more than one chapter there, because off he goes on some fevered quest to find the American dream out on the Las Vegas strip. Without a doubt my favourite book. I've read it at least 5 times or so. It's a vicious book at times, cruel and savage in its depiction of America and its people. On the other hand, read between the lines and you'll uncover just exactly what Thompson is saying about it all. The Rum Diary is a partly-thruthful novel about his time spent in Puerto Rico as a journalist. Hunter Thompson was sadly remembered for his flamboyant style and manic drug consumption more than anything, until he finally ended his life by shooting himself in the head with a hunting rifle just last year.

Chuck Palahniuk

Finally, Chuck Palahniuk is the third. This author is most well known for Fight Club. He wrote a book that was just bubbling with anger underneath the prose, but kept a cool front the whole time. I prefer the movie to the novel, but that's because I'm more of a film guy anyway. That said, I think Survivor is definetely his best work so far, but they're all great in their own right. Some may think that the voices or stories sound the same after a few novels, but I think it's just his trademark. Survivor is about a broken man (an exiled Amish, of all things) who becomes a self-help guru and one day snaps and decides to crash a plane in the Australian outback. An excellent novel with the kinds of minute observations and throw-away facts that we've come to know from his style.

4月11日

Drag-On

The Invincible Lyricist COKEHEAD comes through in a pinch with a mad story about a bank robbery. Its Ghetto-Fabolous!
 
people wanna war like they name was sun tzu//
but run away quick when they hear the sound that guns do//
now sit down shorty lemme tell you a story//
im in a bank uptown with manny acid and pun//
everything is cool and then acid takes out his gun//
and manny orders the teller to put the money in the bag//
acid tripped pulled the trigger now the tellers dead-how sad//
that wasnt part of the plan to sound the desert bird//
20 minutes later police sirens are all that was heard//
but we jet back to pun's place--we swimmin in loot//
funny shit, i kicked the security guard with my timb boot//
                                                              
it dont pay, this life a crime, but a one time stint does!!//
im still high off the adrenaline, haulin ass gives a helluva buzz//
we splittin shit 25% each you know what i mean cuzz??//
we headin off downtown spendin cash like we ballin//
but we ran through some niggaz, next thing you know manny's fallin//
oh yeah, we owed these niggaz like at least a cool fifty//
now niggaz ran away, plus the APB's out--this real shitty//
its time for revenge acid got the mac milly//
20-20 for manny and pun's got the desert e//
my kung fu's style is centipede with the seven speed//
s-class benz in the driveway-we do shit my way//
or these niggaz betta speed like they on the highway//
                                                              
don't fuck me over cuz ima come and get you//
we like the four horsemen nigga, we gonna wet you//
tear yo crib down in half quick like hurricanes do//
how dare you rob me, that's shameful!!//
i operate in the dark and move in complete silence//
i speak two languages that of money and violence//
nigga ill rip you, leaving you leaking in half//
taste the wood and the chains off my 3-sectionned staff

                                                 
I like that kung fu reference thrown into the mix at the end there. Makes my gut feel all warm and tingly, but that might have been the suspect meat I cooked up yesterday. "IT IS MISTERI" to paraphrase some video game humor.
 
I ain't feeling this at all:
 
 
BEIJING (AP) - China's national broadcaster has started filming a 40-part series on martial arts icon Bruce Lee, state media reported today.
Xinhua News Agency said China Central Television started shooting "The Legend of Bruce Lee" over the weekend in Shunde in Guangdong province in southern China. Shunde is the ancestral home of Lee, who was born in San Francisco.
It said the multimillion-dollar production will also be filmed in Hong Kong and the United States, where Lee studied and launched his acting career.
Chen Guokun, who plays Lee, said he has mixed feelings about playing the role of the icon, Xinhua reported.
"I'm nervous and also excited but I will do my best," Chen, who's also known as Chan Kwok-kwan, was quoted saying.
Chen, best known for appearing in the action comedy "Kung Fu Hustle," said Lee has been his role model since he was a child and he has practised kung fu for many years.
Lee died in 1973 at age 32 from swelling of the brain.
The TV series, which is due to be aired in 2008, the year Beijing hosts the Olympic Games, appears to aimed at highlighting Chinese culture in the runup to the event.
The Chinese government also views John Woo's upcoming historical epic "Red Cliff" as a showcase of Chinese history and wants it released before the Olympics, Woo's business partner has said.
"Red Cliff" is based on a war of the same name in AD 208 that determined the geography of the Three Kingdoms period, when China had three separate rulers. It stars Chow Yun-fat, Taiwanese-Japanese heartthrob Takeshi Kaneshiro and Taiwanese model Lin Chi-ling.
In Bruce Lee, Chinese filmmakers have seized on a powerful symbol of Chinese nationalism.
Lee is known for films in which he portrayed characters who defended the Chinese and the working class from oppressors.
The best-known biographical film on Lee is "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story," starring Jason Scott Lee, which was released in 1993. Jason Scott Lee is not related to Bruce Lee.
 
If you'ever watched Chinese TV, then you know how bad it is. It is not because its just bad acting, bad production values, scripting and so on, no - its the worst kind of bad. Boring Bad. Chinese TV sucks because it is so boring it would make a zombie blow its own head off with the nearest sawed off shoddy. I have a cable box that I'm required to pay for every month as part of the apartment's rent, but I couldn't give a goddamn rat's ass about any of the xenophobic programming on there. If its not a TV show about the Japanese military mowing down the Chinese, then its a soap about loopy broads getting drunk and crazy whilst their dutiful husband takes off their shoes and puts them to bed or one of dozens of generic Kung-Fu operas (and I say this LIKING kung fu movies). Comments on how women or the Japanese are portrayed put aside, its all just generic, boring stuff occasionally peppered throughout with Talent Shows that contain such wonders as people balancing plates on the end of a swizzle stick. Here's the chance for them to tackle Hong Kong's greatest, one the world's most intriguing characters, and what does the article promise us? That'll it'll be out in time for the Olympics to boost up the country's team spirit. Now, I know Bruce Lee to the extent that I read several biographies and watched every bit of footage I could find, from his child actor days to his home videos of Jeet Kune Do'ing in the backyard. The man was by no means a saint, but he was an incredible flawed man. And that's what I like in my heroes; REAL people. Not icons, not symbols, not invincible masters. Just a real guy that rose on his own to become the modern day Shaolin Masta Killa. I'm eager to see which parts of his life will be glossed over, and how poorly America will most likely be portrayed. To boot, I'm willing to bet certain facts of his life will be omitted entirely. Will they cover his infidelities? How will they deal with the fact that he married a white woman? How will they handle the difficult times he suffered working for peanuts washing dishes in America, and then his rising stardom? Who will play his celebrity students such as Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, Kareem Abdul Jabar and Chuck Norris? Will they cover in depth his martial arts philosophies? So many questions. Bruce started out as a thug on the streets of Hong Kong, got discipline from Kung Fu, moved to America and graduated a philosophy major and started a school, tried to become an actor but was passed on in favor of a fucking white guy, then made his fortune back home filming exploitation Kung Fu epics in Thailand. He got ahead when he started to choreograph and direct his movies. Enter the Dragon brought him to the world, but it was too late, as he died of "mysterious causes" (the prime theory being an allergic reaction to painkillers taken while staying at his mistress' place). He was a fascinating man, but a flawed man. That's what I want them to capture. That's why I put him on a pedestal in the first place. The first Kung Fu star, the First International Chinese star. Today, its no contest that between Toshiro Mifune and him, Bruce is the by far the bigger star.
 
The American film by Rob Cohen was a steaming pile of shit so let's not even mention that.
4月8日

Kiru Biru

Well, Tarantino was never a big box-office draw in the first place, but this is an all new low. Quentin Tarantino, the 90's defining director, has just released along with his buddy-filmmaker Robert Rodriguez, Grindhouse. You may remember I've talked about the film before, but those who've known me longer remember how obsessed I was with QT's previous film, Kill Bill. I saw that movie (well, part one) no less than 12 times in theatres. I read the the entire first-draft of the script I was so eager to see it. And so on. That film was a masterpiece of schlock: frigthening, thrilling, chilling and exciting all in the span of 2 hours.
 
So it turns out that his newest film (co-directed with Rodriguez) as just done a belly-flop in the US box-office. According to early reports, Friday grossed only 5 million. He's never been a very profitable director, but he's always been a very dividing director. Some people hate his chops, others worship it. It seems people just weren't interested in hitting the theatres to see a 2-for-1 double feature featuring a fun director (R.R) and a master director (Q.T). I very, very eagerly anticipate this flick to hit the Wuxi DVD circuit. This might spell bad news for his next feature film, whether it is the World War 2 epic we've been hearing about for years. The cast rumours have gone everywhere from Adam Sandler to Eddie Murphy to Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Who knows anymore. Its sad news to have a master director ignored during his working years.
 
The other day I covered some good Samurai films that I'd seen lately. Now I offer the flipside, a truly terrible one.
 
Azumi
 
I knew picking up this DVD that it was a comic book-styled fantasy with super-powered people flying through the air. I've never been a fan of the "skinny gorgeous women as invincible war-machines" genre (and there more in that genre than you think), but this one really slapped me in the nuts. Now, before I go off, I know what you're thinking: "Luis, your precious Kill Bill was the same thing." And to that I answer, "No". Uma Thurman in Kill Bill is skinny, but a monstrously tall beast built of muscle and sinew. I bought Uma in that movie because she ground the role in a great performance, and her physique matches the character's ability. Also, its a matter of the film's conventions. The rules set, if you will. On the other hand, when I watch Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider knock out a SWAT member out with one rap on the mouth, I call bullshit. Uma gets torn to shreds and beat to hell. Angelina gets not a scratch during the whole movie. If Indiana Jones didn't get wrecked every movie I wouldn't even remember his name. If Spiderman didn't have to fight tooth-and-nail to beat the opponent, then I wouldn't watch the whole thing through. That's my point: if you're going to give the lead character super-powers, give them a villain to match. Thats why I can't give two shits about Superman: he's an adolescent fantasy with a swiss-army knife of abilities that make no fucking sense even for comic books. Ice-Breath, X-Ray, Flight, Super-Speed, Invincibility, Etc, etc  - when Batman has nothing but his own smarts? What a choice, give me the guy I can relate to. That's why I can't buy the tiny adolescent super-powered girl genre - they always get out with nary a scratch.

Back to Azumi. We're told that she is a Ninja who must fight to free Japan from Warlords of evil influence so that means the film ends up being one fight after another. These fights involve the camera spinning around Azumi striking a pose with a no-sale expression on her face. When she does kill people it is with a strike that carries no weight or conviction. After about a half-hour of this shit I turned off the movie and watched Donnie Brasco instead.
4月7日

The Internet Is Homosexual

The internet was being gay yesterday, or I should say MSN spaces, and thus my update went unpublished. Poofta. Just like that, gone in a cloud of smoke.
 
Tonight the school is having some kind of Antiques Appreciation Cocktail party Belive that. I've no idea why we're hosting an antiques party of all things, and what that has to do with English. Hey, whatever man. A little sign by the door says attire should be "suits and no kids". I've never heard of anyone wearing kids as attire, but hey, whatever man. In fact, that means I won't be able to attend because I'll most likely be the youngest person at the door and not dressed up to specification. Maybe I should crash the party and get crunk.
 
What does a cocktail antiques party entail, I wonder? Are they going to stand around a lamp and discuss its luminosity? Maybe classic meiji-era Japanese couches will be on display for us to evaluate its comfort-factor according to the universal comfort-index. The comfort-index, if you're wondering, and most likely you are, consists of me sitting down on that couch buck-naked and scratching most private of regions while watching terrible movies about blonde bimbos running away from some boogitymonster. Or maybe it'll be substantially less pompous and just be an excuse for people to lounge about in the school library and chat each other up. Either way, I'll be sure to attend the event but in the case that I'm banned from attending, crash it like the Titanic.
 
In other good news, I got MAME32 and Street Fighter Alpha 3 to work on the computer. You know what that means. Time to get that CRABCOM groove on, bitches!