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6月29日

APE-UNIT counter-sues G-UNIT

Well, I reckon' ya'll weren't interested by that last post. The hip-hop articles rarely get a response. I have no idea what to do or what to tell you. Look, my apartment is like an animal exhibit right now. Whenever the two of us are in there at the late-night hours (watching gangster movies), we look like two beached whales, sweating from the unbearable heat and unable to move. If a fly landed on my nose, I'd be unable to swat it off. My precious calories (consumed at MCDONALDS) must be put to use on getting up from the bed to attend my toilet duties.
 
How disgusting. No, really! I'm not anything like that. I go rock climbing on the weekends and throw javelins every morning at the crack of dawn. I have abs unlisted in Gray's Anatomy (the book, not the show, retard).
 
I'm drinking a coffee now. I'm wearing dress pants and sneakers (but no socks). No one can tell, so let's keep that a secret between us.
 
I'm very bored at the moment, and I don't know what to tell you. I'll tell you only this. I love each and every one of you.
 

 
 
 
 
6月27日

G-UNIT SUES APE-UNIT

jay.jpgThe New York Post has reported Michael Jackson, R. Kelly and over a dozen music publishers hit Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club with a federal lawsuit for allegedly refusing to pay royalties on songs played in the Manhattan club. According to the lawsuit filed in a Manhattan federal court yesterday, the 40/40 Club has failed to oblige to the licensing rules with “unauthorized public performance of musical compositions.” Broadcast Music Inc. filed the charges on behalf of the artists, which include Jackson, R. Kelly, Kanye West, Ray Charles, Renald Richard and Pharrell Williams. Broadcast Music is reportedly seeking unspecified damages for copyright infringement. According to the Post, BMI spokesperson, Jerry Baily, says the company has reached out, but ultimately failed to work out a deal with the 40/40 Club to license the rights to some of the 6.5 million songs BMI owns.
 
 
Well, Well, Well. Now if that doesn't sound petty, what does? Have you ever heard of a club, bar or restaurant that actually paid royalty fees for the music they played? Isn't that a little ludacris? Is it because the owner happens to be major rap mogul Jay-Z? That's absolutely stupid. At this point, Michael Jackson should be begging clubs to play his music. Did they hire a stooge to go into the club and take notes of the music played? Did they have a quota of songs to be culled before launching the suit? For Fuck's Sake. The music industry is in complete shambles if you ask me. If there was ever a time to be on an independant label, this is it.

Bathing Monkey

Spotted! First Cokehead sighting in Wuxi. Notice how its a bit of a blur, sort of like the Snowman, Yeti or Sasquatch of legend.
 
Barely three days in China and he's already surrounded by women. I on the other hand?
No Money, No Honey.
 
Hotter than Cairo? The handkerchief was out to collect his sweat
 
No Comment.
 
Monica is just about one of the most timid people I've met in china yet.
 
Hotpot Conference
 
What most women dream of.
 
 
  Thanks for all the gifts!    

Taco Cart Adventures

Here's some pictures I found from a while back. These were taken during the Mazzo outing. Here's a few interesting ones:
 
A tricked out scooter studded with neons. I've seen Rice Rockets, but this is the first Rice Scooter I've ever seen. It even played blaringly loud music. I wonder if he thinks it'll grab chick's attention.
 
The after-dinner walk.
 
A face only a punching glove could love.
 
A terrible picture Andis and I took.
 
Mazzo before the party got started.
 
I must admit, the decor is lavish as hell.
 
What Andis would look like if photographed on the Mars surface.
 
6月26日

Buddah is in the Air

Cokehead is in China. He made his way into Shanghai with no problems, was picked up by LeiLei (aka Flora) and spent a few days frollicking through the posh districts. On Sunday he made his way to Wuxi, City of the Gods, where we met up. He's now settled at my place. We had a drink to celebrate and hate Hotpot in insanely hot weather.
 
Yes, my second turtle is STILL alive.
 
I will post pictures of some new things that I've got from the family back home, which includes two great books about Canada, two T-Shirts (one Montreal "Moose" shirt, and a Brazilian football tee). Cokehead gave me a Pepe tee and a Bathing Ape cap. I appreciate all the gifts you guys sent me, and will post a picture of all of it. Also, I took a picture of Rafik wearing a mustard-stained wife-beater. Where he found the mustard in China I'll never know!
 
Thanks for all your continued support by reading my page. I truly love every reader like Buddha loves smoking Purple Haze.
 
Kiss!
6月23日

Betty Eats Veronica

So I'm down to one turtle. I decided to liberate the other one by placing him in bushel in the garden. I wish him to find peace, though I doubt he'll make it long. Hope a cat doesn't make it to him first.
His brother is doing well it seems, I chopped up some raisins into bits hoping to up his intake of vitamins, but he doesn't seem to want to eat any of it. I've read plenty on how to take care of Red-Eared Slider Turtles, but it seems all the food tips are useless. My turtles at least seem to eat the red food pellets, as I occasionally find some of it on the tip on their nose. I'll buy a bag of frozen shrimps and feed them one a day to see if they get any bigger. I want to get another turtle and perhaps a bigger bowl for them. I'm convinced it's down to natural selection and not my fault. I hope.
 
I rented out a Betty and Veronica comic book from our school library.  I'm losing my mind.
6月22日

cooties eeew

Hey Lilttle B,
Just wanted to announce to you that you will be an uncle too a GIRL
We just found out today!  We went for an ultrasound this morning and they were able to tell us.
So we're very happy, everything seems all good.  No problems detected.  So we're really happy. :)
Just wanted to let you know of the good news.
Btw we sent you a little something throu your courrier ;)  It's not much but I'm sure you'll like it.
Well that's it for now.  I have a headache tonite so I'm gonna go relax a bit.
I'll talk to you tomorrow!
Marcos
 
I'm guessing the headache is due to finding out it's a girl. Ta-da-TA!
6月21日

My sick little turtle :(

I've got a piece of bad news after the good news I got yesterday (my two-week vacation for the end of Cokehead's stay in Wuxi was approved). One of my turtles seems to have developped some kind of cataract over its eyes and is now blind. It has also seemed to become very pale. It has lost its healthy colour and become a shade of light green. His brother is very active and by contrast a healthy shade of dark-green. I pondered over the reasons why this could have happened but I'm at a loss for ideas. He is unable to open his eyes, and simply rests all day, his head sunk in his shell. He does move his limbs around, and when I pick him up, will try to pry himself loose. I doubt he's eaten, though I've tried leaving bits of different veggies in their bowl to see if they nibble at any of them. I'm thinking of setting him free in the garden by the canal, so that he can die in a garden as a opposed to what is essentially a glass prison. It's sad, but what can I do... I've tried my best to take care of him. I'm positive it has had nothing to do with the wuxi tap water however, because I've never used it in their bowl.
6月20日

The Realest ***** Alive

Oh god, I started at 9 o'clock this morning so I finish an hour early at 8 o'clock... but I can't wait for the day to be done. You see, the Magnetic   Cokehead  is coming to Wuxi but in a few days... ands I can'ts waits!
 
So what are we going to do? Here's a few ideas I've got in mind.
 
  • Eat lots of food. Sichuan food, Xinjiang food (including entire LEGS OF LAMB), Seafood and I guess try out a Taiwanese steakhouse or something (they're usually awful). But eat plenty of JAPANESE food and some Korean BIM-BIM-BAP (BOH-BOH!). Wuxi food might at some point be eaten, but its a long shot.
  • Hit some Wuxi nightclubs and have a good laugh at the expense of others. Hate (GROS HATE) on the terrible fucking music.
  • Go to all the Sites of Interest - Xihui Zoo, Big Buddha and so on. I heard a rumour there's a new APE at the Zoo. Maybe they'll put in the Fight Pit against ChiChi the panda.
  • Talk to the locals in a bid to improve tri-lateral relations between China, Egypt and Canada.
  • Flirt with beautiful women who will no doubt ignore us.
  • Document our vacation on video and set the music to BIG PUN, FAT JOE - TWINZ (DEEP COVER '98).mp3
  • Improve our Spanish, as it has been selected as our official 'code' language (aka a language you choose to speak in when surrounded by other foreigners)
  • Go shopping for fake Energie brand name FLIP-FLOPS!
  • Go to Sunday mass at the Wuxi Catholic church and make acquaintance with the good folks there.
  • Rent a H2 HUMMER and drive around blasting ghetto music.
  • Go to Suzhou, Nanjing and so on. Make acquaintances & contacts there.
  • Go to the Blue Bar at least once.
  • Go to Shaolin Temple and get ordained as SHAOLIN MASTER KILLERS, arm ourselves with FLYING GUILLOTINES and ENTER THE 36th CHAMBER.
  • Remove any and all "r" when speaking so as to confuse the locals with our RZArese dialect. For example: "Swords" pronounced as "Swo'ds"
  • Spread the teachings of Jesus. Not Jesus Christ, but Jesus Hernandez, a righteous Mexican brother.
  • Flirt with our possible future "Baby-Moms".
  • Compete in a Dance-Off.
  • Sleep and be lazy.
6月17日

Coco Budder

Yesterday night I went to a Club called MAZZO for some kind of party. It was a typical club, although because some French dancers were slated to perform along with an Australian DJ, the place was packed to the gills. I shot lots of video, so expect another APE-UNIT production on Tuesday. It was an enjoyable night, and I even tried ZERO brand beer (terrible name).
 
 Do You Have a Girlfriend?!?! 
Sorry for no update yesterday. Somebody asked if it was because I have girlfriend now that I'm getting sloppy with updates: to that I can only answer, no, I still have no girlfriend because it seems downright impossible to get a girlfriend when you're actually interested in getting one. Maybe I'm not A) Rich enough B) Handsome enough or C) a combination of A and B. Personally, I don't mind if its because of A. To those people, I'd like to give a royal "up yours!" I'm really not enthusiastic about the notion of "marrying up". It seems to me that its quite common in China to have the "marrying upwards" mentality. Marry someone richer than you, regardless of actual feelings towards that person. How many times have I talked to people my age who are already married? It's absurd. The pressure put on young adults to get married is really just absurd. The sad thing about it, is that it will definetely manifest itself in negative difficulties in relationships.
By negative difficulties I mean the kind that can't be resolved because they stem from deep unhapiness or even resentment. Should I date someone, I wouldn't do it for the money or the status - I'd do it for the pleasure of being around said person.
What kind of person am I looking for? Someone relaxed, smart (and I don't mean book-smart) and who speaks decent english (communication is a must). I like people who are curious about things, who ask questions and like to try new things. Obviously money-hungry wolves-in-sheeps-clothing need not apply, and certainly not anybody who believes dating other guys simultaneously is "okay". This last one is especially is what sticks in my craw as that's what happened last time I went out with a girl here. That's right, I bet most of you don't know about that, but I never like to go into much detail about my relationships, past or current.
 
If any of my readers would like to throw me some advice concerning all things related to relationships (especially on getting started or rebound or whatever you want to call it), throw it to me here. The best comments about this topic will get posted right here on the website.
 
 
Look to the left of this page: There's a  New Column!  Paul Merton in China is a series of comedic observations by a British comedian done during a tour of China. Among the highlights are:
 
  • Chinese Hippo-Hoppu: What do these young hooligans freestyle about? Watch and laugh, and realize why Hip-Hop as a looooong way to go in China.
  • Wuxi has some bizarre architecture going on, but nothing compares to the French Lafritte hotel by Shanghai. It's one of the many rich and tasteless works done by people with too much fucking money.
  • A tour of Chinese lifestyle during under full-on communism.

And many more. Check them out, they're quite entertaining and insightful.

Congratulations to my dad, Antonio

on getting your class 2 license. Beep, Beep!

Love and Kisses to all Butter Rican Pecans, Chocolate Deluxes and Almond Delights. 

6月15日

Lone Wolf and Club Sandwich

A while back I wrote about a series of totally awesome stupendous Samurai movies I was watching called BABY CART (aka Lone Wolf and Cub). It's the (simple) story of a shogun excutioner who is betrayed and vows revenge, but gives his son the choice to either die with him, or fight and renounce any happiness (a famous scene in which he presents his infant son with a sword and a ball, and waits for the child to choose). The films are hyper-reality, ultra-violent and stylized. Visually, they're stunning with some truly great practical effects and excellent editing. Here's the trailer for the excellent DVD set from WILD SIDE VIDEO (France). Of course, I bought it all for peanuts ;)
 
 
 
The big difference between 70's Chinese Kung-Fu films and 70's Japanese Samurai films is the tone. Japanese Chambara (which is what we call Samurai action films) are mostly serious affairs with lightning quick battles that end suddenly and violently. Chinese Kung-Fu films always contain protracted fight scenes that can sometimes last as long as 10 minutes (I vividly remember Dance of the Drunk Mantis, in which Simon Yuen and Hwang Jang Lee fight over a cup of baijiu forever; the fight escalating from handplay to tables flying across the room and someone spitting fire with alcohol).
The level of acting is usually much better in Japanese films, as is the production values. The stories tend to be more coherent as well. However, the Chinese kung-fu films do carry an air of mysticism and vitality that the Japanese films sometimes lack. They're both different genres, but I implore movie fans to explore them equally. My strongest recommendation for the Chinese kung-fu genre comes in the Shaolin films, particularly The 36th Chamber of Shaolin. This one has the famous scene of Gordon Liu carrying buckets of water up a hill to strengthen his arms in an arduous training at Shaolin Temples on the eve of their destruction by the rival Wu-Tang Clan. Not to be confused with the RZA, GZA, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, Ol'Dirty Bastard and Raekwon and so on...
6月14日

The Hemorrhage Foundation

Louisiana town banning saggy pants; plans fines jail terms for violators

DELCAMBRE, La. (AP) - It soon will be a crime in this Cajun-country town to let the waistband of your pants sag too low in public.

Mayor Carol Broussard has said he will sign an ordinance the town council approved this week setting penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that show undergarments or certain parts of the body.

Broussard said he has nothing against saggy pants but thinks people who wear them should use discretion. "It's gotten way out of hand out here," he said.

Albert Roy, the councilman who introduced the ordinance, said he thought the fine was a little steep and should be more in the $25 range, but he still favoured the measure.

"I don't know if it will do any good, but it won't hurt," Roy said. "It's obvious, and anybody with common sense can see your parts when you wear sagging pants."

Broussard's advice for people who like their pants to hang low: "Just wear it properly. Cover your vital parts. I mean, if you expose your private parts, you'll get a fine. If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. They're better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress."

Well, then. Okay. Jail-time for low-riding pants. Where's that law to forbid hotpants, short-shorts and daisy dukes too? Just how much is exaggerated here is unsure but nonetheless an obvious knee-jerk overreaction. Andis' linked this off his page, and it's all kind of related isn't it? To those conservative values that are meant to help us keep our dignity and traditional values safe from roaming, chain-whipping werewolves on Harley Davidsons. I didn't find anything eye-opening or revealing about it (and I don't consider myself a leftie). In fact, I think it was full of the same bullshit I've heard over and over again, people crying wolf about a common enemy that happens to be the other half of the same country. But some of the stuff the guy says... the free-est-iest country in the world? Freedom to say anything? No racism? Come on now, be fucking real, and level with us.

6月11日

Jackbooted Thugs

Okay - so my updating track record has been spotty in the past. Yesterday also included no update on APE-UNIT. But you know what? That's because on some days there's just not much to say. In fact, if we were to use the time machine and figure out what was happening in my life one year ago today, what would we find out?  That life was as unfulfilling and boring back then as it is now. Sadness. Feel My Pain. Goth, Goth, Goth.
 
Let's Do the Time-Warp to APE-UNIT 1.0!
 
June 11, 2006

Angola VS PT

Disappointing game that was. England didn’t perform all that well against a team that couldn’t bungle things any more than they did. Tonight’s match will be killer on my already deprived sleep, but you’ve got to soldier on.

I’ve done some thinking: seeing as how I opted to get a phone sans camera, I’ve decided that the money saved on that will go towards not only a digital camera, but a digital camcorder. The only way to truly bring this place to justice is in video. Wait until you see the spitting camels, uh, I mean spitting people.

Huff! I'd say not only was my foresight poor, but I was rather crude and unsophisticated back then. How things change in a year.

Speaking of crude and unsophisticated, check this out:

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I saw it linked off of Andis' page. At first sight I thought they used Japanese characters for the London 2010 Olympics logo. Who in god's name approved this? 

 Here's an interesting video I found - somebody assembled various footage from different films to make it look like an Neon Genesis Evangelion live action film. Its fairly good in the sense that he leaves out narration or too much explanations so people who are familiar with the series can pretty much piece it together. He made other versions, but this is the best one. In later edits, he includes narration and more homemade clips of robots fighting, but it looks awkward set against the rest, because he lets it linger in there. If I could go back in time, video editing would have been a career option. I love it, its fascinating work.

Here's a secret: in my Rainy Daze video, I used an editing trick I learned from Akira Kurosawa's RASHOMON. In the film's opening, a man walks in the woods and the camera keeps switching angles to create dynamic editing as he treks through woods and makes for seamless editing. For example, when an arrow is shot into a tree-trunk, the shot cuts from the pulling and release of the arrow to the arrow's impact in the tree. We take this for granted, but its tricks like this that create flow. In my video, you'll notice I follow an electric bike with camera and cut as she passes me by, the next cut begins as another bike passes by (check out the video, this happens at the 40 second mark). Originally the other half of this cut happened in the reverse direction, so I mirrored the video - you can't notice because A) the quality of the video is too low to read any of the writing B) most of you reading this can't read chinese characters anyway. Mildly interesting trivia for you.

6月9日

Mediocre-Unit

It seems this will be my new schedule as of the 18th of June, which is hot:
 
    • Tuesday 13-21
    • Wednesday 10-21
    • Thursday 11-21
    • Friday 13-21
    • Saturday 10-18
    • Sunday and Monday off
 
WHOOP! That means I'll finally be able to go to English mass at the Wuxi Catholic church. Hot! But more importantly it means the usual updates of this blog will be switcharoo'ed. This really made my day as Sunday is usually the only day most Chinese have off, so I'm glad to finally have matching days off with some of my local friends.
 
In other news, I'm listening to the Jurassic 5 album FEEDBACK (thanks to the velvety-voiced  Cokehead  ) and 50 Cent's CURTIS album. Between them, its a no-contest punch-out victory for J5, although compared to their previous works, I'm not sure where it stands. As for 50's album, well, it is what it is, and I guess it's like a junk-food fix. It's alright, but I wouldn't mind having some filet mignon instead.
 
Jurassic 5 - Feedback
 

50 Cent - Curtis

6月8日

Scuffle over Scallops

I've started a new photo album that was sorely missing for some time: Chinese Food. Now, as this album grows and expands, you'll see the variety of great dishes on display for you to salivate and drool over, like a rabies victim. I've started with seafood pictures from a great restaurant somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, which is about anywhere 10 minutes away from downtown Wuxi, really.
 
Bicycle Shrimp, as I call it, because when alive and swimming, they look like they're running an invisible treadmill or bicycle.
 
This was actually fish, but had the texture of doughy tofu.
 
At first I thought these were snails or something
 
Clamshells with some kind of batter
 
Is that guy behind screwfacing at us?
 
For real?!
 
You Got BEEF, son?!!??! 
 
 
 
 
6月6日

Brazilian Bikini (Turtle) Wax

Check that out - two little brazilian turtles wrestlin' each other like good-ole country boys.
 
I expect a longer life-span out of these two if they don't kill each other first.
 
 New Work-Safe Video!  
6月4日

The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit

well, my poor little fish died yesterday. Within two hours of change the water in their bowl, they were dead. Why? Because my head was in the clouds and I used Wuxi tap water. Either that or the liquid detergent I used to scrub their bowl wasn't properly rinsed out (though I tried to make sure). I felt very bad about it. I had to pick them out of the water with chopsticks they were so tiny... I gave them a quick burial and said a little prayer in French, because I don't remember how to say it in English or Portuguese.
 

R.I.P two nameless fishies. 

6月3日

Bangledesh

Good evening, good morning, good afternoon depending on where and when you're reading this. I got sent this picture today, of two silver bangles with bells:

I was asking a friend what would be the ideal gift for my little nephew or niece in a few months time. Apparently these bracelets are supposed to be worn during the first couple of years of the child's life. I don't know what they represent or symbolize, but I think they're lovely. I assume either boys or girls can wear them.

I think back of traditions that my brother and i were inflicted with when we were babies - they included being dressed in fancy lace and baptisms, and of course, the tradition of baby pictures where I was just a nude little tadpole playing in the bathtub with my bits exposed. Adorable when you're young, I'm sure, but when parents show that to relatives or, gasp, future girlfriends or the like, I get anxious. Come to think of it, I was a cute baby but now I'm an awkward looking young adult.
Some people actually say that cute babies become ugly people and ugly babies grow up to be good looking people. If that's true, then I cross my fingers for my niece or nephew to grow up good-looking and not vice-versa. Of course, that in itself is a mixed blessing, because if my brother has a girl, when those teenage years roll around he's gonna have to buy a shotgun and keep away boys with one-earring and big cars away from the house.
 
Good luck with ALL that, Marcos.
6月2日

Waterbeds are not Torture

I don't know about the above statement; that's probably a bold faced lie the Republicans are beaming into your head via their secret network of brain-controlling satelittes. On the other hand, the water seems to be getting better in Wuxi, but I wouldn't know because the water was magically shut-off in my apartment.
 
Mood: Indifferent.